Ian is the Greatest Hockey Player In the World: News

Hawks Ice Girls (and their Moms) Adore Greatest Hockey Player In the World

In a non-game related story Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In the World) Silber was watching the Blackhawks play at Ale House in Oak Park. The first question you might ask is why is Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In the World" not playing for the Blackhawks? Well, many years ago Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In the World" Silber got in a fight with the Blackhawk orgainization over Bill "Old Man" Wirtz's alcohol monopoly throughout Illinois. Wirtz's monopoly has caused the individual citizens of this and other states to pay more than they should for the alcoholic beverages of their choice. Old Man Wirtz did not take kindly to having the bright light of captialism cast upon is monopoly and had Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player in the World" Silber banned from the Hawks and NHL. But I digress, the real and important part of this story is that Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In The World" Silber is branching his fans into the Hawks Ice Girls. An article from a few weeks ago (http://www.ianisthegreatesthockeyplayerintheworld.com/news/view.aspx?articleid=111) entitled Cheifs get first A league win featured Ian and two BlackHawk Ice Girls. Well, while watching the game at the bar the ignorant bartender changed one of the televisions to a San Antonio vs Houston NBA basketball game. Needless to say how stupid this was as we are in Chicago and no one cared about the basketball game. While informing the bartender of their stupidity a woman stepped forward to also argue the point that the game should be on two televisions. In chatting at the bar it came up that I am the greatest hockey player in the world and proved it by showing the website that proves it. Well, who should this mom see but her daughter standing next to me. So a happy Nancy saw her daughter (Molly-the girl on the right of me) on the Ian is the greatest hockey player in the world web site! The Chiefs nation grows as does the legend of Ian! Thanks for having such a beautiful daughter Nancy, tell Molly she can play with us anytime. The picture attached is of me with Nancy so you can compare Mom and Daughter!

Chiefs ousted from playoffs by Bishops

The Chiefs lost to the Bishops 6-3 in a game that will be remembered for centuries or at least till I put up a new article for the Sping season. The game was a low scoring affair thought the first two periods as no goals were scored in the first and after the second it was only 2-1 in favor of the Bishops. With only seven bench players the Chiefs held on and pressured the Bishops goalie who made several great saves. Tim "Big Hands" Ryll matched the Bishop goalie in great saves but in the third period the Chiefs could not give much support as they struggled on the offensive side. They did not get on the board for their second goal until Larry "Sparkly Lite" McCarthy channeled the spirit of Kevin "Sparkly Pants" Grant and took it upon himself to bring the puck up and past several Bishop player to make the score 3-2. "Although the sweat may have blurrred my vision and being so tired at that point in the game but I thought I saw some sparkles on McCarthy's pants on that final toe-drag/kick-to-the stick & beat the goalie high glove-side move.....If only we had single fan there to record it we could have given the tape to Kevin to study in the film room.." said Dennis "Sweaty Palms" McBride. Other comments included "It was an amazing coast-to-coast, split-the-D, embarrass the goalie tally" said Jim "Bones" Brault. "The season ended with some disappointment but we will back in the spring to kick some butt and drink some beer" said Coach and Greatest Hockey Player In The World, Ian Silber.

Chiefs lose to Lizzards 6-4 in first game of Playoffs.

The Chiefs lost their first playoff game to the Lizzards on Friday night by a score of 6-4. The Lizzards were suprised as a depleted Chiefs team played extremely well. With Larry McCarthy suspended for one game for making snow angels on the ice the Chiefs mighty defense stepped up. Brian "The Wall" Roth, Dennis "St. Pats" McBride, and Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player in the World" Silber frustrated a powerful Lizzard team as Alex "The Ham" Berger played stellar in goal. "It was fun watching Ian get hit by slap shot after slap shot. It may a pleasant thunking sound as it bounced off his steel like hide" said amazed Chiefs player Jeff "Eagle Eye" Hawkinson. "The extra weight I have put on these last few weeks really helped me not get out of the way of those shots! Hopefully, by the spring session I will be large enough to block the shots from the Blue line." said Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In The World" Silber. With only two minutes to go in the game the score was 5-4. Eric "Look I scored" Goff got two goals to help keep the Chiefs in the game. Andy "Speedy" Tousignant got a goal and two assists. The Chiefs pulled their goalie resulting in the last goal with 23 seconds left in the game.

Lizzards beat Chiefs 9-2 but blame rests with Refs.

In the worst refereed game in the history of the Skokie league the Lizzards beat the Chiefs 9-2. The game included such highlights as the missing of an icing call (Tim "What the Hell" Ryll actually stopped playing the puck as everyone but the refs watched the puck go end to end) and a hand pass that were two of the Lizzards first four goals. This was followed by one of the Lizzards (a complete ass that we won't name here) trying to take the head off of Andy "98 pounds" Tousignant right in front of everybody. This non-call started some complaints that resulted in Eric "I did not hear you" Goff getting kicked out of the game. This was followed by another Lizzard player tripping over Larry "Hit me while I'm Down" McCarthy. The refs in their infinite wisdom gave Larry the penalty even though the Lizzard player took two punches at our player laying on the ice. Well, Larry took offense at this and through some ice from his skates onto the ice and was kicked out of the game from the penalty box. But, to make sure they knew it was him Larry dumped a bucket of ice and pucks onto the ice resulting in a one game suspension (It was worth it!). Later, with three minutes left in the game, another unnamed asshole Lizzard player punched Dennis "Hit me in the Cage" McBride twice while the ref was there. This resulted in only a two minute penalty for the Lizzards. Let's hope the Skokie League can get their act together for the beginning of playoffs next week against the Lizzards!

Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In the World" Sparks Chiefs to Beat Bishops.

The Skokie Chiefs beat the Bishops 10-3 to move into third place in the "A" League. "The Chiefs are heading into the playoffs exactly where we need to be. By playing with only seven or eight bench players our fitness level is way up. Also, Nelson "Contract Year" Spruston finally burst through with the type of game we expect from a slow guy of his caliber with two goals and two assists." Said Coach and Greatest Hockey Player In the World, Ian Silber. With seven different players scoring the Bishops did not know who to key on for the game. "Some of the things that Coach and Greatest Hockey Player In The World, Ian made us work on really came through during the game. My Tara Lipinski goal where I danced in the air while deflecting the puck too many hours of practice." said Andy "Laces' Tousignant. Meanwhile off ice the Chiefs were dealing with the news that Joe "Twinkle Toes" Ascardis will be out for up to eight weeks with a celebration injury to his ankle after scoring the winning goal in an under 10 yr old practice. "I don't know why he gets so excited on scoring on us, I mean we are a blind team that plays by sound only. If he wasn't so heavy we could not hear him breathing so heavily to get out of the way and more of us would be hurt." said defensive player Helen Keller. The Chiefs have one more game before the playoffs but it looks like they have locked up the third seed.

Chiefs fall to Outfit without Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In the World" Silber on the Ice.

The Chiefs lost to the league leading Outfit by a score of 7-2. Alex "Triple-Decker" Berger played outstanding but could not contend all game with the Outfit shooting 37 shots. "Without Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In the World" Silber on the ice the Outfit did not have to worry as much. Plus Kevin "Sparkly Pants" Grant was visibly sad that Ian was not there." said Nelson "Ski-Bunny' Spruston. Also, the Chiefs went with a short bench of only seven players as they rested up for their next meeting with the Arch Bishops in their attempt to move out of the cellar and into third place.

Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player in the World" Silber Continues Domination of Bishops in Chiefs Win.

A shorthanded Chiefs team with only eight bench players beat the Arch Bishops by the score of 9-5. The game was out of reach for the Bishops when after the second period they were down 8-2. Only through the lazy kindness of the Chiefs hearts were the Bishops able to get some sympathy goals. The biggest story of the night is of course Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In the World" Silber's Hat-Trick and two assists. Moving up from defense to help a tired and beleagured offense I exploded for three goals and two assists. Kevin "Sparkly Pants" Grant said "Playing with Ian on the offensive side was a dream come true. I once played with Wayne Gretzky, Brett Hull, and Stan Mikita at the same time and it was kind of like that." Wayne "Slash" Brezovar helped the team with a goal and four penalites. "By having them play shorthanded I wanted to up their aerobic potential and have them be ready for difficult game situations" said Wayne. Next week the Chiefs will have to play without Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In the World" Silber as he is heading down to Hati to rebuild the city using his massive collection of broken hockey sticks.

Chiefs beat Arch Bishops for first A league win!

The Chiefs beat the Arch Bishops 5-2 for their first A league victory. With a full complement of skaters the Chiefs were able to grind down the Bishops just like a lawyer employed against the Church for abuse allegations. "Just as the dynasties of the past had to overcome obstacles. With this victory we are on our path to be A league champions by the 2012 season if not sooner. These A league teams keep getting older while we are already old so know what to expect. Their creaking bones and inability to bend down to tie their own skates will put them at a disadvantage agains our skate tying system." said Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In the World" Silber. "I have been in discussions with many NHL teams with this skate tying venture and while I cannot divulge too much of who ties our skates I have a picture that will be printed with this article to help figure it out.

Chiefs closing the gap on the Outfit

The Chiefs lost 6-5 to the Outfit in a game that demonstrates Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In the World" Silber's great coaching and playing skill. "As we were winning 5-2 in the third I realized that if we won the Outfit may be ready for us in the playoffs. By putting on my orange cone hat on defense I was able to coax the feeble and inept Outfit to shoot more and get some goals and win" said Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In The World" Silber. "I scored a goal!" screamed Eric "The Drought" Goff when asked about the Neutral Zone trap earlier in the game. Eric was seen asking the Zamboni driver if he wanted an autograph so no further questons could be asked. Kevin "Sparkly Pants" Grant scored two goals early followed by Jeff "Eagle Eye" Hawkinson scoring his first of the season. The Chiefs hope to win their first A league game against the Arch Bishops in their next game.

Bishop put Chiefs in Check

The Chiefs started their "A" league play with a battle against the Bishops. The Chiefs took an early one goal lead but the Bishops battled back to go up 3-1 in the first. The Chiefs battled hard with Tim "Ankles" Ryll in net stopping several point blank shots but could not get the scoring going and eventually losing 6-1. "As this is our first time in the A league we don't want to put all our cards on the table. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a few pawns to win the long term battle. Next time we may be able to pull a rabbit out of the hat and suprise them!" said a metaphor mixing coach and captain of the Chiefs, Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player in the World" Silber.

Chiefs Lose to Lizzards in Shot Fest

Alex "The Ham" Berger played outstanding goal in a loss to the Lizzards. Alex stopped thirty-seven shots out of forty-two that came his way. The Chiefs only had seven bench players and were tied with the Lizzards 3-3 through most of the second until they took a 4-3 lead going into the third period. "While we were hoping that the Lizzards would get really really tired with all those shots they took. Unfortunately, we got really really tired with only seven players. The advantage to having such a small bench is that I brought everyone their own individual water bottles so we were pretty sure that Lary "The Grim" Grimaldi would not get everybody sick with swine flu." said coach and greatest hockey player int he world Ian Silber. As the Chiefs head into the holiday break please remember that in the spirit of giving you can donate to the Chiefs for beer (and ice for our goalies!).

Chiefs show the Outfit they mean business.

"Sure the Chiefs lost 11-2 but on the bright side they only got three goals in the second period and we got two!" said Ian (The Greatest Hockey Player In The World) Silber. The game was much better than than their first game against the Oufit where the Chiefs lost 14-5. "By following Coach Ian's plans we should narrow the gap to seven goals by our next game and have a chance to win by the 2012 season" said Andy "Tie my Vas Deferens into a" Tousignant. Many doomsday adherents look to that date as the same one where pigs may fly and the Cubs could win the World Series.

Chiefs move to A league with win over Medicine Hat

In the ugliest game ever played the Chiefs beat Medicine Hat 4-3. Medicine Hat was determined to not move up to the A league and made sure to give it (i.e. the puck) up more times than Maddonna and Britney Spears combined. On the plus side the Chiefs now get to demonstrate to the rest of the world and NHL that their exclusion from the upcoming Olympic Games is a travesty. "We were hoping that Stephen Colbert would sponsor us and we would become the Colbert Chiefs of the Colbert Nation. With the IOC banning us for illegal use of Leinenkugel that went out the door. We are hoping to purge our systems and reapply for the next Olympics but finding the right beer is problematic." said Coach and team leader Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In The World" Silber. In other news Lary "Achilles" Grimaldi returned to the ice and scored a goal and assisted on two others. "It felt good to play even though Medicine Hat played like a school for the blind" said Lary "Achilles" Grimaldi.

Chiefs upset Lizzards 9-8

The Chiefs did not just upset the Lizzards in competition sense (which they did 9-8) but also mentally. The Lizzards were so upset that several of them shed their skins during the game. Their nictating eye membranes glistening with tears as their molting skin hung off them like a shredded flag at a civil war reenactment. Kevin "Sparkly Pants" Grant returned to the ice to score five goals and an assist (don't worry fans, Kevin is not starting to think about not scoring a goal, the assist clearly an accident after bouncing off the opposing goalie). Eric "Give me the rebound" Goff scored two goals in this the game. Eric said, "It was so cool watching Kevin skate and skate and skate until I had time to get to the goal. Once I was there I could watch him skate and skate and skate some more until I had my breath and than I could get my stick down and get a couple of rebounds!". The Chiefs had a five goal lead going into the third where Dennis "The Rules" McBride reminded the team that "it is the most dangerous lead to have, and I mean it this time." The Lot Lizzards proved this was true by scoring four straight goals to make it a 9-8 game with 5:18 left in the game. Tim "Fly Paper" Ryll helped seal the deal by stopping several point blank shots in the third. In other Bizzaro world news Kevin "Sparkly Pants" Grant had two penalites while Wayne "The Ax-man" Brezovar had none. "I was a bit worried when I saw that at the end of the game. I mean we are so close to the destruction of the world according to the Mayans and this could be a sign that it is true. I hope we can get the season in before that happens." said coach and captain Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In The World" Silber.

Chiefs Cool Off Hot Mix 9-6

Coming back from their disaster of a game last week the Chiefs had more players and more goals to get the win. Jim "Twinkles" Brault posted his second straight Hat-Trick to help the Chiefs to victory. Twinkles said, "With all the extra players we had on the bench it was pretty easy. I did not need a blood transfusion or oxygen between the periods from exhaustion. I just needed it because I am old!" The Chiefs built a five goal lead after the second period which Dennis "Rule Book" McBride reminded the team, " is the most dangerous lead in hockey". The Chiefs scored two more goals to make it a seven goal lead but Hot Mix did not give up, scoring four straight goals to cut the lead to three before the game was over. "Our long road to redemption is building and with a game agains the powerful Lot Lizzards next week we will see what we are made of, other than the standard carbon, oxygen, and other elements that we have in our body." said Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In The World" Silber

Chicago Outfit Slaughter Chiefs 14-5

Coming off a loss the Chiefs were feeling good coming into this game. So good that several players decided not to show up for the game. When Matt "Whipped" Ascaridis was tracked down doing his new wifes toe nails he said, "Well I am the leading scorer and wanted some other guys to have a chance, plus look at this French manicure, its fantastic!!". Matt's wife agreed and went back to reading the paper. Jim "Twinkles" Brault waited till the late second to start to play and scored a Hat Trick for the struggling Chiefs. "Once the other team couldn't raise their arms anymore from scoring it was easy to get around them. Plus with as few shots we had the goalie was a bit sleepy!" said Jim "Twinkles" Brault. Coach and Greatest Player in the World Ian Silber said,"I needed them to hit rock bottom before I can build them up into the champions they can be".

Bishops Checkmate Chiefs 11-8

The Chiefs came out strong with the return of Kevin "Sparkly Pants" Grant and Mike "Never late" Ruley. Jumping out to a 3-0 lead in the first 5 minutes of the first period. The Bishops finally got on the board soon after that. The first period had 10 goals with the scored tied after one period at 5-5. The Chiefs came out strong in the second scoring on a power play by Joe "A-Train" Gleeson on an awesome assist by Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In The World" Silber. The Chiefs scored 2 more to take a three goal lead. The Bishops kept fighting back pulling within one after the second period with the score 9-8. Finally, the Chiefs realized that if they won they would have to play in the "A" League which would make the Chiefs have to work harder. Tim "Give me the Cheese" Ryll recognized this from his perch in goal and made the decsion to remove his pawns (aka The Defense) from the board. "By telling my defense that they suck and should get out of the way I was hoping to get some more shots on me. It worked brilliantly and they rattled off the last six goals of the game" said a beeming Tim. "We pride ourselves on getting thinkers on this team, sure that means we don't move as fast when we are thinking, but they are thinkers." said coach and player Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In The World" Silber.

Chiefs get back to winning form. Beat Griffins 8-2

The Chiefs got back to their winning ways 8-2 for goalie Tim "Ankles" Ryll coming out party. When asked about that Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player In The World" said "We are not trying to say he is gay, which would be just fine, as the Chiefs are not a group to carry a prejudice. Except against cat lovers, we hate cat lovers....We also dislike people who like the color teal. Their may be others but we are fine with gays." Tim "Happily Married with a Daughter" Ryll said, "It was great to be called back from the minors to re-join the Chiefs. I hated for goalie Alex "Duct Tape" Berger to get hurt but my hitting him with my car was a complete accident!".

Chiefs win important moral victory in loss to Chi-Town

Sure the Chiefs lost 8-3 to Chi-Town but in the important penalty area the Chiefs won 8-3! With Wayne "The Enforcer" Brezovar leading the team with 7 penalties. Ian "The Greatest Hockey Player in the World" picking up one so Wayne would not feel bad. The Chiefs jumped out to a quick 2-0 lead in the first period but than realized that if they won they might have to play in the "A" league and quickly let Chi-Town score 5 goals in the second. "Thankfully Wayne saw that we were winning and helped us keep our "B" league standing. Also, by helping us focus on our penalty killing we will be prepared later in the season when this happens again" said Matt "The Married Man" Ascardis.

Chiefs Burn 10-0 Demons to Open 2009-2010 Season!

The Chiefs came out of the blocks strong to start the season. With only 8 bench players against 13 bench players for the Demons the Chiefs showed that this may be their season. Ian (The Greatest Hockey Player In The World) Silber, knowing that his conditioning would be spectacular after spending the off season carrying medicine to Sherpa orphans in the Himalayan mountains, moved up to offense. This sparked the Chiefs offense to 10 goals. Ian (The Greatest Hockey Player In The World) Silber scored one goal and assited on 2 others. Other high scorers were Lary (Look what happens when I go to the corners instead of the goalies face) Grimalidi had two goals and an assist. Joe (It's my brother's birthday so I will score more than him) Ascardis scored twice with three assists. Matt (It's my birthday so you would think my brother would pass to me) Ascardis had one goal and one assist. Other scorers included Joe (To the moon) Gleeson with two goals and Dennis (Guiness) McBride with two goals and an assist. The biggest suprise of the offensive output was the no goals or assists from Nelson (New Contract) Spruston who signed a 12 year contract after last season. Claiming he would get his mojo back soon he is currently seeing the same sports psychiatrist that Milton Bradley is going to. Alex (Groin Pull) Berger stopped 15 shots with the help of Larry (McGyver) McCarthy providing the duct tape that kept his intestines inside.